What Happens to our Souls with Suicide
Blog Entry
Sabbath
Saturday, 5 May 2018
I’ve been listening to teachings by Dr. Dennis Clark about how to release forgiveness for hurts. The process of asking Abba Father to recall to remembrance events which need addressing. Dealing with them and releasing forgiveness. Some of these I had no idea they were part of the package of hurt.
This morning I was having an extensive dream which kept changing locations and such. Toward the end (more accurately, something woke me up) I was immediately taken from one place and brought to a barn that was whitewashed on the inside. My brother was there with a large wheelbarrow full of hay. He was in a white tank shirt and cut off blue jeans which were frayed on the edges. Both of us hesitated before we embraced. My dream ended there.
My brother passed away in 1994. Whether he was murdered or committed suicide I don’t know for certain. Without going into more personal details, suffice it to say the circumstances surrounding his death it could have gone either way.
In that same dream, just prior to seeing him, I was in a place between a wall and what seemed like a large refrigerator and high up on top was a baby dressed in blue clothes and he was about to fall and I caught him. There was a girl about 8 to 10 years of age I’ll say and she came up beside me and for some reason mentioned what I had said about my brother online about how he committed suicide. I was taken aback because I had not ever mentioned about him or his death to anyone in real life online. Not only that, this girl was a stranger to me and I use monikers, not my real name so I wondered how she might know it was me. Again I reiterate that I cannot confirm one way or the other whether my brother’s death was murder or suicide.
But recalling this dream, telling my husband about it, made me think on the words of Jesus:
(Mat 5:26) Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.
(Luk 12:59) I tell thee, thou shalt not depart thence, till thou hast paid the very last mite.
Why would these verses come to mind?
Not long after my brother’s death, my mother began to hear things from my brother. Now, whether out of guilt or grief I do not know and she passed on in 1999. She wrote down the things she heard and one of them was that my brother told her, “It’s hard work here Mum.” I was given all her personal papers and went through them years later.
“It’s hard work here Mum.”
Could it be that my brother did indeed commit suicide and that the message here is one of hope for family members and loved ones of those who depart this world in that way, that they are in a certain place fulfilling an obligation that has to be paid off?
The Catholic doctrine teaches that suicide is murder and anyone committing it will go to hell. I’ve pondered that over the years especially in light of the words of Jesus and have always felt that there must be more to this. Whether I’m right or wrong remains to be seen of course.
Murder. When someone commits murder it is usually done with malice, evil forethought with no regard for the life taken. In many cases there is no remorse.
I feel that suicide is quite different. While technically speaking it is murder of one’s own self, there is much more. That soul is in such angst and loss and suffering and feels there is no other way out. That is such a heavy state of grief for one’s own life feeling helpless and lost. I cannot believe our loving God would allow that soul to be tossed away.
I can’t help thinking about my dream. Was this confirmation that he did commit suicide? Was it also confirmation of the words of Jesus that every penny will be paid? Is that why the words of my mother relaying my brother’s message about hard work, mesh with where I found him in the dream?
There was a lot more going on in the dream but all of it was hazy, fuzzy and distant like most of my dreams, yet the part about my brother was like some dreams where it stays with you all that day. It was more real, more tangible and I feel it was not just a random dream. I never dream about my brother. Never. Our family was quite dysfunctional; we were just not that close.
Since I was not at all close to my brother in life, I knew very little about him except what my mother would relate to me. There are things he did that I must release forgiveness for and have this morning really begun that process and yes, it is a process.
If this message is for someone who needs it, then let me say for anyone reading it or needing it. We must forgive even those who have already passed on. It is necessary for them, for their souls. Some say that we should not pray for the dead at all. I disagree. I don’t dispute those who would argue, I just disagree and there is a difference. God laid it on my heart heavily, a burden of praying for another loved one who had departed this world. Why would God lay that on my heart if it was not relevant or not necessary?
Either way, I leave this message for someone who needs it that we should pray for departed loved ones if we feel led to do so and that we must also release forgiveness to them if we were unable to address it while they were alive.
Some say to forgive someone is for them. Some say it is for the forgiver. I say it is for both.
Blessings,
M
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