I Am Becoming Linen
by MBPSTB
14 September, 2013
6th month, 24th day
Shabbat
This testimony is mine, but I do not publish it to bring attention to myself but to show others how YHWH works in our lives; to show how learning and understanding how to apply Torah to our lives can help us and bless us tremendously. I hope and pray that for those who read it, that it is embraced and an inspiration to seek out this way of healing for themselves.
Yesterday, in my morning prayers. Ever since coming into a certain understanding about Deuteronomy chapters 7 and 8, as it applies to each of us with regard to sin wounds the enemy uses to come in and set up camp within; I have begun my prayers with reciting of these chapters and declaring victory over the enemy. For many months now, I have asked YHWH to show me my sin wounds. To recall them to remembrance so that I might battle the enemy and rid myself of their camp once and for all. True to His Word Torah, and true to His Word to me, YHWH, my Elohim has been faithful to deliver them up. Sometimes, as I pray, these remembrances come, sometimes as I read His Word to my family in the evenings, sometimes through the actions of other people, and sometimes through dreams or reading something else.
YHWH is astoundingly amazing. Yesterday morning, I am praying and speaking to YHWH and I broke down. He had given me a dream about something I had never given (kind of) another thought to, or at least not regarded it as a sin wound. But it was, I just didn't know it. YHWH brought it to my remembrance and so I dealt with it. Then afterward, realizing that this was just one of so many in my life of things stolen from me.
With every sin wound, something, a part of me was stolen. Whether mentally, emotionally or physically it was theft, stealing my confidence in who I am. This is of the enemy, make no mistake. When we belong to YHWH; when HE chooses us out of all the peoples, the enemy knows this too and will do anything he can to stop us from knowing who we are.
Yesterday morning I cried out to YHWH to restore what has been stolen from me. These three things happened to me later that day:
1. A clerk at the grocery store made a snide remark to me without reason.
2. I read a quote by someone who had written a book about her life and she had said she wouldn't let anyone walk all over her: "If you step on my toes, I will bite off your leg!".
3. Reading Deuteronomy that night, in chapter 28, v29. It struck home.
Deu 28:29 And thou shalt grope at mid-day, as a blind man would grope in the darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways; and then thou shalt be unjustly treated, and plundered continually, and there shall be no helper.
I'm not recounting a pity party at all. Mine is just my story. I am in my mid 50s now and all my life, ALL my life I have encountered people who would cause offenses to me without even knowing me at all. I have always worked hard and others got the glory and accolades. People in service industries or consumer stores would treat me with contempt; customer service reps also without cause. Doctors too and these people knew me somewhat, yet really didn't. Even when eating in a restaurant, my family could order the exact same meal, and I would get the one which had the smaller portions of meat, or they were cooked wrong. Inevitably something was less than acceptable with the meal, yet my son and husband's were excellent. I'm certain the server had no awareness, so this slight came from the enemy and at first, my husband would scoff at me when I first brought it to his attention, but once I did he saw it for himself. With doctors who maltreated me, when he came with me, I got respect and was treated much better.
I would watch him in action with anyone who came against him and he would hold his ground and hold them accountable for what they were either doing, or not doing. I was in awe of him as my own experiences left me speechless when affronted and thus the enemy would win. In short, I had no confidence as it had been little by little stolen from me.
On occasion throughout my life, I had wins, but they were very few and far between. I was at a loss to defend myself, stand my ground, hold others accountable for their actions against me. These were the sin wounds that had piled up as a giant trash heap inside me causing repressed anger and hurt and I felt powerless to deal with it and was in fear.
My husband on the other hand is everything I am not when it comes to these things. I admire him and am in awe of how he handles people and their actions. He is the same in all circumstances. He does not change his countenance or modify who he is to deal with things. He remains steadfast and constant, much like YHWH, Never changing.
On occasion, I have been told by someone in authority, to "just be myself". One person in particular I am able to recall exactly. I guess I cannot see it in myself that I try too hard and I need to just let myself "be". To relax and be confident.
I have realized, in recent days, that I cannot be myself, because that ability has been stolen from me. Last night when reading in Deuteronomy, verse 29 leapt off the page into my face. This is me, this is my life.
The clerk at the store made an unprofessional comment to me and I had one of my rare moments of standing my ground and came back (polite and tactful) with a response and defense of my actions. In short, I was confident I was in the right and stood my ground and held her accountable for her comment. I even had a second witness, the lady behind me who supported me in what I said and I knew her not as she was a stranger to me. She came to my defense!!
Then later, in the early evening before our Scripture reading, I opened up the book from my book club for the first time since getting it and the author recounted her attitude with those who would try to step on her toes and how she would not let them gain a foothold against her and would stand up and bite their leg off!
Then the third and final message from YHWH. In His Word, in Deuteronomy (Debarim).
The two previous verses leading up to v29, brought to my attention certain things my own father had experienced and gone through. This was my understanding that ALL my life experiences of being unjustly stepped on and unwarranted mistreatment by strangers, coworkers, bosses and in some cases, those I thought were my friends, are the result of a generational curse.
When I read the words by the author about biting off one's leg, I understood she had confidence in herself, enough to stand her ground. Confidence. My husband has it in all things. He is an astounding man and one I am proud and honored to be married to.
I understood at that point, that Confidence is what had been stolen from me. That YHWH had given me a token of confidence when I dealt with the clerk at the store earlier that afternoon. That this was all part of His helping me to understand, recognize what had been stolen from and to begin the process of restoration of those things. Knowing now, that this generational curse must be broken first, but just having this knowledge and understanding has already given me a release of sorts from the prison I have been held in.
Since last week, reading aloud chapters 7 and 8 from Debarim (Deuteronomy) each morning, has been liberating in ways I cannot describe and the joy I have been feeling each of those days since has been so uplifting. 7 days of reading this just like Joshua's march around Jericho. Seven days and then the walls will fall!!! The enemy's defenses will crumble!!!
I am of Israel, of a certain Tribe, of a certain House, I am an OVERCOMER!
UPDATE: 31 May, 2014 (10th day, 3rd month)
About midweek, an e-friend sent me an email about some things the enemy is using in battle against her. I countered with telling her to recite Deut ch7 out loud. That when we begin to keep YHWH's Torah, for each of us as individuals, we "enter" into the land so-to-speak. We come into our inheritance and YHWH truly does become our God, our Elohim and we become SET APART to Him.
When this happens we come under attack more severely by the enemy. Why? Because we are now a bigger threat as we learn to keep YHWH's Torah, guarding the Sabbaths which SEAL us against the enemy. BUT---it is a process of growth or walk in Torah. As we walk in more obedience the power of those attacks are weakened, because the more TORAH we are, the more power we have over him whose time is short.
When we enter into His Rest spiritually through the act of obedience to His WORD, it is then that the generational curses (which have always been there) rise up against us as they have been put there by those 7 mightier nations long ago through the disobedient acts or sin wounds gotten by our ancestors. When these things happen, the enemy comes in and sets up camp within us. WE are the land also as WE are vessels, those of clay that are cast in the ground AWAY from the Temple; the Living Stones:
1Ki 6:7 For the house, when it was in building, was built of stone made ready at the quarry; and there was neither hammer nor axe nor any tool of iron heard in the house, while it was in building. -
Rev 19:7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.
Rev 19:8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.
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